When did I…?

August 18, 2010 § Leave a comment


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“They all run full-fledged into failure but they do it so wholeheartedly.

When did I stop running wholeheartedly into what I desired?”

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I remembered vividly as a child sitting on the dirty curb beside a street vender eating a Candied Fruit Stick (it’s all covered with a delicious red candied topping) and watching the crowd without a worry in the world; A minute ago, I was holding my dad’s hand entering Taiwan’s version of Playland and the next thing I know, I was lost in the crowd. I did not know fear then; I was so sure that my parents would come back and find me or I would just discover my way back to our car (my dad apparently freaked out tho and burst into tears; this incident scarred him for life. That’s what I tell myself when he constantly checks in). Now, if the history were to reinvent itself, I would very likely pace around like a madwoman. I would not be calm. I would not be able to find simple pleasure like the little candied fruit stick. I would not have the patience to see the world goes by. As an 8-year-old child, I did so much better than the 3- year old woman I am now. A wise man once said: ‘The two most significant events in our lives are the first and the last. When we are born, we take our first gasping breath of air, a noisy inhalation that immediately turns the body pink. At the end of our life, we ride out our last breath, and die on the exhalation.” Don’t waste your breath. So now, run wholeheartedly into what you desire. (pretty please?)

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I am in need of…

May 6, 2010 § Leave a comment


a life-GPS.  I missed having that smooth utters of ‘recalculating’ whenever I detour.

I seemed to have misplaced my inner voice. I could have sworn that by 30, everything would fall into places for me but they didn’t. And instead, I had the biggest 30-minute phenomenon melt-down (one minute for every year of my life, coincidence, I think not) in front of my parents the day before my big three O.

In my mid-twenties, I was really enjoying becoming my own person, looking forward to the journey, exploration and maturity. I used to have this ‘I am fresh, alive and out of control. I can not wait to take over.’ attitude about life. Now I read articles like this, advising me to get married and have kids before thirty. Instead of shrugs and chuckles, now I would experience that little unknown panic: am I really running out of time? Better yet, where has my inner strength gone?

Plus, it is kind of impossible now to meet that plan. Does that mean by some standard, I have somehow screwed up royally ? Or I really should learn how to understand the gifts from the universe better, appreciating the upside of events.

When planning, you need to have a strong concept but being flexible is key. There will be a lot challenges and curve balls that restrict you. Much like the game of life, I guess I just need to:

1) Focus on the now.

2) Like plans, love change.

3) Take risks.

4) Repeat.

easier said than done? “you can’t plan love. And you can’t plan for your career any better”

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